Jump to content
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
Welcome Guest!

Join us now to get access to all our features. Once registered and logged in, you will be able to create topics, post replies to existing threads, give reputation to your fellow members, get your own private messenger, and so, so much more. It's also quick and totally free, so what are you waiting for?

News Ticker
  • 17-APRIL-2019 NEWS
  • -------- VOTING Has started in the Parlement. Please have your say and vote !! <-------

Recommended Posts

 

I am 24 year old female and I have identified as romantic asexual for about 10 years , but having found out about demisexuality I feel uncertain now. As a teen especially I used to be extremely sex repulsed. Now I feel less sex repulsed, but the idea of me being sexual with another person still weirds me out. So I'm thinking that maybe my sex repulsion might subside completely one day and possibly feel attraction.  I have had a few crushes with guys without wanting to have sex with them, but never fallen in love. Most of all I am currently anxious because I have come out as asexual to my close family and some friends. So I'm wondering what if one day I fall in love and start a sexual relationship? Lets be real, that would be cringey af now that I've come out. I'm concerned that maybe it would have been better if I never said anything.

And there's this other thing. In the past whenever somebody questioned or invalidated my asexuality I would respond by arguing that I have never wished not to be asexual. I mean I did before I found out that asexuality is a thing especially I was afraid of people's judgment or that maybe I;m sick or something, but I if I put all these aside I had never felt uncomfortable about it within my self. Well that's changed. Last year I fell for  on a guy I used to be friends with and I wouldn't say I fell in love but it sure was more than just a crush and I felt a quite strong emotional connection with him. I mean I didn't want to have sex with him, but I was really wishing to want to. First time ever. It's so strange. And when i would think about having sex with him, it did make uncomfortable, but quite less than I would expect to .And that kind of scared me and has made me to question  myself. Does this mean i could be demisexual? Is there any way to know if I'm demisexual if I have never fallen in love? Or I just won't know untl I know?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm probably not the best to respond to this, not being really asexual or demi-sexual.  But a few points:

 

a) not all asexuals are sex repulsed, some are just sex indifferent.  Neither desire sex, though.

 

b) it's possible for sexuality to vary and change over time.  So it's entirely possible for sex repulsion to vanish.  I went the other way, lol.

 

c) it's possible to go from being asexual to being sexual.  It happens.  As does the reverse. 

 

d) if you feel that you have developed an interest in sex and no longer repulsed by it, you can start to come-out again to family - maybe laying groundwork will make it less cringey.  It's always cringey telling people your identity has changed.  But it happens.  Whats the alternative?  You live as a closeted sexual and pretend asexual?  You wont be happy doing that.

 

e) it's entirely possible you're demi-sexual.  Maybe to the point that you are, and would only ever be, attracted sexually to this one dude and no one else ever.  Impossible to know.  There could have been all kinds of reasons for why you felt asexual before and now it's changed - maybe you were always demi-, maybe you were not hardwired asexual but only psychologically so and that has now changed, maybe you were young and confused ... who knows.  But does it matter?  You are what you are now ... the past you doesn't exist.

 

Good luck, and I hope you find happiness 🙂

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Dreamsexual 

Thank you for your encouraging words, I appreciate it so much. I think I should elaborate on some of my points for a better understanding.

I know that not all asexuals are sex repulsed and some are just indifferent. The reason I pointed that out is because I was sex repulsed for many years and I've felt for some time now a quite significant shift on that. Now I'm much closer to indifferent than repulsed. 

 

To give you a little background on me: I have never been sexually abused  which is often the case with sex repulsed people. I'm a virgin and I've never had any sexual activity with anybody ever. My parents are quite religious and conservative people, but I was by no means raised to be a prude or anything like that. They have always been open to discuss sexual issues and to answer my questions. And even they believe that I'm sexually repressed and don't consider asexuality valid. I even knew that I was asexual at age 14 when I had never heard of asexuality. All I knew was straight, gay, bisexual. I was watching a show one day where there was a sex scene and in that moment it just hit me that I would never be comfortable with sex. I had never thought I want sex and just repressed it. I was trying to fantacise sexually, but I was just repulsed by the thought even.

 

I don't agree that sexuality itself is fluid (at least not as much as you describe) unless maybe an illness or trauma has occured. I don't believe for example that an adult that has always been straight will suddenly become gay or the opposite. I believe though when it comes to asexuality on that matter the lines are more blurred. So I believe that if I ever feel sexual attraction that means I was never really asexual (possibly demisexual). And I will accept my sexuality if that is really the case. Except for the fact that I've come out, I've considered asexuality part of my identity for so long and I feel scared to "let go of that" if this makes sense.

Now about the guy I spoke of. We haven't hanged out together for quite long, but we reconnected recently and I really really like him. I know for sure that I want him in my life. I rarely make such good friendships so regardless of my (a)sexuality I would be very reluctant to put our friendship at risk. And I have no idea if he even likes me so...That's that. Again thank you for responding it was great to talk about this with someone.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Dreamsexual 

Thank you for your encouraging words, I appreciate it so much. I think I should elaborate on some of my points for a better understanding.

I know that not all asexuals are sex repulsed and some are just indifferent. The reason I pointed that out is because I was sex repulsed for many years and I've felt for some time now a quite significant shift on that. Now I'm much closer to indifferent than repulsed. 

 

To give you a little background on me: I have never been sexually abused  which is often the case with sex repulsed people. I'm a virgin and I've never had any sexual activity with anybody ever. My parents are quite religious and conservative people, but I was by no means raised to be a prude or anything like that. They have always been open to discuss sexual issues and to answer my questions. And even they believe that I'm sexually repressed and don't consider asexuality valid. I even knew that I was asexual at age 14 when I had never heard of asexuality. All I knew was straight, gay, bisexual. I was watching a show one day where there was a sex scene and in that moment it just hit me that I would never be comfortable with sex. I had never thought I want sex and just repressed it. I was trying to fantacise sexually, but I was just repulsed by the thought even.

 

I don't agree that sexuality itself is fluid (at least not as much as you describe) unless maybe an illness or trauma has occured. I don't believe for example that an adult that has always been straight will suddenly become gay or the opposite. I believe though when it comes to asexuality on that matter the lines are more blurred. So I believe that if I ever feel sexual attraction that means I was never really asexual (possibly demisexual). And I will accept my sexuality if that is really the case. Except for the fact that I've come out, I've considered asexuality part of my identity for so long and I feel scared to "let go of that" if this makes sense.

Now about the guy I spoke of. We haven't hanged out together for quite long, but we reconnected recently and I really really like him. I know for sure that I want him in my life. I rarely make such good friendships so regardless of my (a)sexuality I would be very reluctant to put our friendship at risk.And I have no idea if he even likes me.  Oh and on top of everything I've come out to him too. I know, fantastic. So...That's that. Again thank you for responding it was great to talk about this with someone.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No worries 🙂

 

We agree on many things. 

And I'm glad you are happy with your progress and how things are - and I totally get how 'letting go' of something that's been part of you for so long can be a tricky process.  I had to 'let go' of things I previously thought true about my sexuality and gender identity - and I'm in my forties! 🙂 

 

But life is complex, things change, and there's nothing you can do to fight it - just try and enjoy what/who you are now and care less about the reactions and opinions of others.  Some will understand, some won't.  Easier said than done, and I dare say there will be times of hurt and sadness etc.  But truth is best, I think.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...