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  • 29-OCTOBER-2019 NEWS
  • -------- Lets see how long it takes for me to change the news for something new <-------
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Amb

Just wondering ...

Question

Do things generally go downhill once you realise that your Asexual?

 

I was with my boyfriend for over 8 years and gave everything I could to keep him happy which was working. But then since I've read up and started believing that there's others like me, I found it harder and now we're going our own ways.

 

I only have one bestmate but it feels like the worst thing ever when he's busy. I hate being on my own, feeling really lonely. 

 

I've always kept people around me happy, that's one thing I'm good at but I'm struggling to keep myself happy lately. I see alot of posts about mental health on here and am hoping not to go down that road. Will things get easier? Or have I kinda set myself up to fail?

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5 answers to this question

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The first thing to get right, is to accept being alone. Alone is not the same as being lonely. Why is that ? Because people get wrapped up in their world, you are an adjunct to them. A friend, yes, but you will be placed aside when they move on in their personal relationships. Friends come and go, but you will stay.

Be comfortable with yourself. Be the best friend to others. But do not be a doormat.

We are sociable creatures, but you may find solitude preferable to the drama which sexuals suffer.

I have seen friends come and go and come back again over the decades and I have always welcomed them back, never hold a grudge for them leaving you. They have their own choices to make in life. I am 65 and still have many friends from school in the 60s.

Life is what you make it, make it a good life.

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Thanks for the advice. I think I'm just finding it hard to accept being alone but hopefully I can change that. 

 

The reason I don't like to be alone is because I've always had trouble keeping friends. I never really fit in, in school I was the quiet one and in university I didn't drink. Since my younger brother died in 2016 I've needed company to keep my mind busy. I will talk to anyone and everyone in work to avoid being alone. I think that's fear of feeling lonely.

 

I love to make people happy but I never want them to leave me. Any tips on how I can change my ways?

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Even by my standards I might be about to go too far, if I do please point out which parts and I will be happy to amend the post

 

Why do you think you are asexual? It's not unusual for two people to have different sexual needs and levels of needs, this is pretty usual for sexual couples and far too many identify as asexual this way.

 

Your hurt because a long term relationship has broken down, sexual or not asexual, that hurts, even more so if you feel you are at the rough end of it. Your fall back bestie is busy with life so isn't there to be your shoulder to lean on. This is how you are supposed to feel, if you didn't, the relationship would not have been important enough for you.

 

Mental health..mmm, some people milk it. There is a huge difference between I have a mental health condition and I am short term very unhappy at a relationship breakdown, don't be so hard on yourself, as I said above, your hurting because of the breakdown, this is short term painful but you are perfectly entitled to feel that way

 

On your second post

 

You will never be able to control all of your life or all the people in your life. People who do that tend to be insecure themselves so seek to control everything around them, including people, hoping nothing will ever change in your perfectly self created world. 

 

However, shit happens, people happen and events happen and the more then you over react, the more you beat yourself up, blaming yourself  with "if onlys". If onlys happen normally after the event and nothing you can do can change that.

 

I tend to use an old saying that I hope might make some sense?   This is just one sentence, of one paragraph, of one chapter in your life's book, don't try and read the end of the book before you have even lived the book.

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I believe that I'm Asexual as I have no sexual attraction.. to anyone. I strongly connect with people and truly care for them. All I want is their company, someone to go on adventures with, watch films and have fun but nothing more. Sex doesn't even cross my mind (unless its brought up with me) hence why my boyfriend was frustrated for so long.

 

I'm glad you agree that this is how I'm supposed to feel about my whole situation tho, maybe I'm not such a weirdo. I don't want to overreact but it really does hurt to say goodbye. My current thoughts are: what direction am I heading?

 

Yes I understand. Your saying is very wise and I will keep it in mind 🙂

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I often put this up to how it's not just the young who don't know what their future is, sometimes you don't know it till you see it

 

 

 

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